Save Your Marriage While Separated: Do This!

The 5 best things that you can do to save your marriage during separation to bring your spouse back to you.

Get our FREE Mini Course to learn HOW to get your spouse back: 👇

Kimberly Beam, CEO of Marriage Helper, discusses several things you can do to save your marriage if you are separated.

These include SMART Contact™, avoiding PUSH behaviors, and managing business items together.

Find the areas of your marriage and relationship where you are going to have to talk about certain things (mortgages, taxes, children, property, pets, etc.).

Reach out to your spouse about positive things related to the children or business items.
This will prevent negative interactions and promote positive ones.

Doing these things will give you momentum in attempting to save your marriage while you are separated.

Avoid fighting as best you can. Change the cycle and be the best "you" that you can be during those times.

During these discusses you may ask your spouse questions such as, "How was your day today?"

You should ask questions that are non-emotional and won't start a disagreement.

Allow your spouse to start conversations with you. Allow them to open up to you about their day or about how they feel in terms of the separation.

Whether or not you agree with what your spouse is sharing, you must be a safe place for your spouse to share.

Show them that you can hear what they have to say and that even if you disagree with it that you can respond in a way that is calm, gentle, and understanding.

Don't go overboard by sounding artificial or fake. Be sincere and sometimes it is best simply to listen without commenting.

If your spouse, during separation, is rude and antagonistic to you, it is difficult.

You need to plan ahead of time that you will avoid allowing emotion or defensiveness to take over. Focus on the long term goal of saving your marriage.

For more information on Marriage Helper Workshops, Coaching, or Online Courses, visit:

– Workshops:
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*SMART Contact™ is a registered trademark of Marriage Helper.

71 Comments on “Save Your Marriage While Separated: Do This!”

  1. We all go through hard times. Be the person your spouse want you to become. Most of them does not work coz it lacked effort. If its gonna take a lifetime or even more thats okay. As long as you know your spouse love you from the bottom of the heart. Even though they say they dont see the future with you at the moment do not forget to notice how hurt they are inside, just dont believe them at the time. Do not cheat stay calm. Do your thing in your career, next day you are the boss again.

    1. Painful is an understatement, I’m going through it now and it feels like I’m going insane. My heart and soul are bleeding, never knew it would hurt THIS much. Divorce is destructive and nothing short of torture.

    2. Ester Graham today I have fully lost my wife and daughter she has packed up n gone different from any other time she keeps telling her mum any lil arguments we have it’s so sad I read the conversations on her WhatsApp how she don’t feel attracted to me etc n her mum is just encouraging her to move out n finish our marriage lol like come on

    3. @Templar Slayer wow so sorry that your going that and it’s such that were have to deal with betrayal and hurt & nobody understands it but at least you got to see her conversation on WhatsApp idk how to do it my husband is sleeping with someone and I cant figure out who she is

  2. Superb advice. I’m currently in the process of divorce and I’ve read and watched a LOT since my wife told me she had her lawyer send the papers to court, and this is very to the point. Crisp and clear. I’ve already tried some of this and had some successes but sadly it’s not enough, my wife’s very headstrong and convinced she’s going to get a better life away from me, even though I’ve changed so much and grown for the better as a person. Good luck to anyone going through this process… it is hell.

  3. Im in a temporary separation and I swear, this video made me feel better and it indicates what I need to brush up on…to be a better me and a better person.

    1. @Ace Many Pretty good actuall , I was too attached and realized that a person needs their personal space at times, I’ve understand that my own insecurities can and will backfire against me, but I’ve learned how to trust and communicate…without trust and compassionate communication in a relationship you have nothing.

      Today we have an healthy relationship…not perfect but a good level of satisfactory

  4. I’m going to employ this method ASAP. My wife of twenty years is leaving me 😢 We have two young children together and its killing me our family is breaking up. I am currently guilty of the push behaviours and it’s true, all it does is push your spouse further away. I am humbly asking for prayers for myself and my wife Ilynne (pronounced Eileen) to work things out. Thank you 🙏

  5. I regret so much all the mistakes I made in my marriage. I truly love my wife. I miss her so much. Being away from her has literally destroyed me on the inside. Please pray for me and my marriage. I want more than life itself to get back with my wife. She is my heart song.

    1. @Michael Webster we are doing this but neither of us moved out. I have hurt her for years, and have come around but I fear that it’s too late. I love her so much.

  6. Thank you very much. My wife and I have separated for several weeks now and I’ve been going out of my mind. I’ve caused it because of problems in myself and infidelity with social media. Watching this video has calmed and focused me. Again thank you! Since the separation I’ve stopped all behaviors. Apologized asked for forgiveness and taking steps proving my love and devotion for her. Also have started counseling weekly to repair our marriage. I hope to regain my wifes love and trust one day. I try pray and show I love her daily. She means the world to me and im truly a broken man without her.
    Guys listen to me!!! Stupid behaviors comments texting talking anything online to another woman will break your woman’s heart and make her walk away. Love your woman. Show her and tell her! Be faithful. Don’t be cocky or naive thinking she’s not going to leave you because she will eventually. Don’t take her love for granted. Reciprocate to her what she has given you. Make her life easier not difficult. Don’t say things do them! Prove you love her before its too late! Thank you.

  7. This is really good solid advice for folks who miss their spouse and want to get them back. This is assuming that someone wants their spouse back and to save their marriage after their spouse leaves them. For those going through this difficulty I send you prayers that no matter what happens you find your own strength, resilience, and independence so you are happy no matter the outcome. 🙏🏻

  8. Recently separated. Already fallen into doing some of the ‘donts’. Glad I found your video because I had no idea how my actions were making things worse.

  9. I’m going through separation now. It hurts because I’m the cause of a lot of the dysfunction my wife and I have gone through from the lies and manipulation to not sacrificing pillars of my toxic traits. I have a lot of work to do…thank you for this video, it will help bridge the gap in my marriage

    1. Dr Duke helped me bring back my man and now he loves me far more than ever🥰. If you need help..

    1. Did it work out with you and your husband? If not, hit me up! I’m going through the same right now. And would much rather get advice from a female on this topic.

    2. Do you feel brokenhearted no longer feel loved or overwhelmed with emotions. Are you saddened or depressed due to the separation with your partner and you want him/her back, Are you looking for solution for your marriage or relationship problem, This is your solution Dr Abiola YouTube channel

  10. Amazing work you on Instagram are doing!! I have to protect my parents so often because they don’t know what is legal or illegal so keep doing what you are and hopefully we can put a stop or reduce this damage. We need more people like you *NEIG* *TIVAL* in this world!

  11. Thank you for this video, it helped me alot honestly. Ive been sad and depressed ever since my wife asked me to stay elsewhere a week or so ago. Ive made alot of mistakes and caused arguments and pushed her away more by things ive said. This video helped to focus me and give me a path for what i need to do to get her back. The waiting is just so hard.

    1. Hey MetalDad87! It sounds like something that could be very helpful to you would be our SMART Contact Toolkit. This will teach you exactly what to do to start rebuilding healthy communication with your spouse! Highly recommend you consider checking it out here:

      We truly hope it helps you.

    2. Or maybe she had someone else visiting while you were gone, Women are experts at making a man feel he is the problem especially when they are cheating. Just a Thought!

    3. The waiting is very hard, how are you doing now? I have been waiting for my husband for almost a month and I can hardly function. I’m not getting much encouragement from him while he sorts his head out. He is so ashamed of what he did and even though I have forgiven him, he can’t forgive himself and that is blocking our progress. I don’t know how much longer I can put myself through this. At some point I’m going have to start helping myself rather than helping him.

  12. God,
    I ask that you soften mine and Shera heart for each other, that you remove any blocks to our communicate. Remove any outside negativity, jealousy, influences, pride, ego, anger and resentment we may knowingly or unknowingly have towards one another. End Physical separation between us and bring us together in a harmony union. So we can rebuild our foundation on your rock. Thank you Lord God for hearing my prayer 🙏🏼 I love you.

  13. I could’ve definitely used this video a couple months ago. Push behaviors were something I definitely struggled with. We’ve been no contact for about a month but I’m hoping I can turn that around.

    1. fishmrinc, Thank you for your comment. The first thing we try to teach people is how to have healthy communication with their spouse to avoid making the situation any worse. One of the main tips is to stop PUSH Behaviors. This is anything you do (or don’t do) that tends to push your spouse away from you. We teach you 4 other rules you need to follow to help with this situation in our free e-book! You can download it here if interested!

      Free Ebook here:

      We hope this helps!

  14. So glad I found this, I am torn apart by my husband leaving. It was a total blindside. I can’t seem to get myself together and the hurt is ripping my guts out. It’s only been a week. I am comforted knowing I’m not alone. Thank you everyone and I hope for a positive resolution for you all.

    1. Thank you so much @user-qe3pi4ox7b. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on Youtube. PLEASE Subscribe if you haven’t already! We post new content regularly! And also, don’t hesitate to reach out to us if there’s anything else we can do for you. Our phone number is 1 866 903 0990! We’d love to be your support system!


    2. It makes me so Angry and Sad that she doesn’t even care enough to send a text to make sure I’m okay when it’s 10 degrees outside. I am so mad at myself thoug, I know that I have done a lot of things to break her down mentally regarding my past addictions, and she also said that I can make her feel insecure about herself. So I hope she changes her mind, then I can once and for all prove to her that I intend to be the best husband I can be for her, and start our whole marriage over again.

    3. The first days, weeks, and (could be months). It’s awful and it hurts like nothing else. It does get easier, I promise. I don’t have the answers but my husband left and it does get easier. My prayers for you

    4. @Debra S Thanks Debra. I appreciate you replying. It certainly has been awful. I saw a counsellor who said I’m suffering from trauma and I seem to have all physical symptoms. It’s only been three weeks but today I felt a bit better. Makes you realize the strength that is inside you. I didn’t know I had that kind of strength.

  15. My husband left 10 months ago. I did all the things she mentioned cried, begged, fought, etc… Recently I have just accepted this might be my future alone. I backed off,but still made my self available to talk. I stopped yelling and crying. I have seen a change. Recently he told me he missed me , the first time in 10 months. Praying healing on our broken hearts. Praying healing on all your broken hearts.

    1. He’s never stopped thinking of you. Mending a marriage takes so much time and the waiting is so hard. As the betrayed spouse we are at the mercy of someone else. After I saw positive changes in my husband, telling me he wanted to come home, moving some things back, making plans, he told me last night that he’s changed his mind and it’s all being moved out again. He’s so confused and this has nearly killed me. Life just sucks right now. I pray my husband never stops thinking of me and in time will reach out the way your husband has. I will pray for us both.

  16. I was involved in a marriage separation and honestly and truly the only one thing that helped was consistent prayer that now has brought my family back stronger than ever.

    A prayer to pray every morning.

    God I so love you and I need you. I confess that Jesus is the Christ, the son of the living God, my Lord, my saviour and my king and I confess this day and every day that I am highly favoured by God and man.
    Please come into my life Lord Jesus Christ and change my heart now.
    Almighty Jesus Christ, my everlasting father, walk through my house and take away all my worries and illnesses and please watch over and heal my family in Jesus name.

    Thank you God

    1. I did the prayers. Ive learned to not rely on a higher person. Noone will fix whats been broken. The broken is broken. As i see prayed harder the worse it got. As i told my wife, you have taken everything from me, my love, my life, my faith. I hope one day i can regain my faith. As of now i do not feel peace. I do not feel love. I dont even hate my spouse. I just feel emotionally drained. I do hope that i am wrong and im shown a bit of light to guide me back. I hope everyone is able to find the peace and move forward.

    2. I just want to tell you thank you so much for leaving this comment your obedience has brought tears of joy to my eyes bless you mighty servant
      The Lord has spoken through you

    3. ​@Luis Ram brother I just want to encourage you to seek out the holy spirit and repent the Lord can reveal things to us we would have never found out on our own… blessings and love brother

  17. My wife moved out two days ago, we spoke today and luckily, I unknowingly followed these steps pretty close. In a nutshell, we have a big misunderstanding of what we both perceived to be doing correctly for each other and didn’t verify if we were doing what we both asked from each other. Unfortunately, it’s been an emotional erosion for her, and I heard her and understood more when I asked her to explain, because I really thought I was on track. A good thing is that I didn’t plead, cry, I listened strong, calm and gentle to consider her explanations and emotions. Now, One-day-at-a-time. God will not give me a challenge I cannot over overcome, and he will give me the strength to overcome it.

  18. That last item really resonated with me. Some days I feel like I’m making progress with him and then the next day I feel like he shuts down and I’m back to square one. This video was really helpful and calming. I know I have to keep my focus on what I can control which are my own emotions and stop trying to force anything else.

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