73 Comments on “How to SAVE Your Marriage – “Whose Side Are They Going To Take?””

  1. My marriage is falling apart in big part because of this. All the friends she hangs out with are divorced or single. I even overheard how those conversations go and I can tell you she ends up hating me even more after they talk about me. While on my side my friends are constantly defending her and taking her side, essentially calming me down and helping me be more rational. She on the other hand grows more angry and irrational, to the point that she would break up a great family for no rational reason.

    1. Brother same here. Nothing but support for her. I even had the honor and dishonor conversation with Godly brother. From the beginning I was told not to dishonor the mother of your children in any way shape or form. I’ve stood on that one principle. Even family members would ask me, why is she so bitter and mean? Long story short I became a single father of two wonderful boys. Sure I could have been better in my marriage, to which I will take the blame for my short fall. But never to the point of a divorce on my part. That was all out together by all her friends and eventually her mother who came to her rescue with $$. Today I’m a better father and a better man to all I come in contact with.

    2. That’s rough. Having been through similar occurrences, be the best version of yourself, know your values, standards, ethics and morals that you stand for. refresh I’m getting to know who you are what inspires you your game plan get your body in order with your routines with sleep, exercise, and nutrition, money/careerto the best of what you can, that way you can stay and clear minded with new chapters ahead, regardless of the outcome. This is always easier said than done but you focus on one thing, one small step at a time to game momentum towards the vision-purpose-mission before you.

    1. @Faubourg Lincoln That actually reflects your comment here. If family is involved in marriages like they’re supposed to be instead of government, their goal is the marriage to last. So they will look for the good in the other so that you realize you entered into this relationship and you have responsibilities such as maintaining the marriage.

    1. @Niki eberhardt Downhill, honestly. It’s surprising how much we weren’t taught about marriage (we both came from divorced parents). All the lessons were either incomplete or counter-intuitive. I am grateful for having peers and mentors in my life who remained impartial and objective, even if it may not end up in reconciliation.

    1. good friends should be able to provide sound counsel to any manner of situations in your life.

      The friends help you form coherent constructive thoughts so you can go back to the situation with more then just a emotionally charged, hurtful, and/or spiteful fight.

      If you call the wrong people they will only amp up your anger and you’ll go back to the fight and not a rational discussion.
      To your point though I don’t like how he said “defend” good counsel will give objectionable advice and not defend either you or the person you’re arguing with.

    2. @Ali yes. You’re not going to be able to handle or talk every problem out with your partner. Especially depending on how they act when they get mad.

  2. When I fight with a woman I don’t call anyone!

  3. If my husband and I fight I have no one to call. I just wait until we cool off and talk to him about the fight. 😂😂 He definitely defends himself and I defend myself too.

    1. you can always call the cops for domestic violence.
      a few nehbors as proof.
      a few frens and fly to back u.
      put him in jail.
      u can later get the house, bank, the kid, the cars and the dog.
      thinking while you cool it off.

    2. For the last 5 years I never got into fight with my wife on some serious topic. It is always on stupid things and I usually forget what we were fighting about an hour later.

  4. My mother in law is my to go person when we are rocky. Not only did she raise him, she understands why he has become the way he is now while having his best interest at heart. Keep your dirty laundry in the family 🔒

    1. The foundation is everything respect and aligned values are just as important as physical and sexual attraction. If you have these things that’s most of the battle right there.

    2. My boyfriend Mom disliked me very much. We were together 9 yrs, then one Christmas we were to take the kids to my parents for Christmas dinner and Christmas gifts then Christmas day we went to his grandmother’s. He told me he had to do some work and he’d try and hurry so we wouldn’t be too late to my parents. So I waited for him after several hrs I call back. He said he’s still working. So I just pack up the kids and head over to my parents, I was getting out of the car before I could unbuckle the kids to eat and visit, and my parents came out the door. I was an hour late. The kids had rolled down their windows, all the while my parents were saying Santa left and took the presents with there isn’t any Christmas since your late just get back in your car and go back home. I was one upset mother my kids heard the whole thing amd they were crying. Two in car seats and one not so they were young. This was a minus 20 below zero day. So while I was already bundled, so were the kids amd our emergency kit was in the trunk I decided to drive by Norms parents house, to my surprise h e wasn’t at work he was having Christmas with his mom and dad amd brother. So I left the kids in the car running opened thier door. While standing there they were all shocked. I stood there and calmly told Norm well I was an hour late for my parents , while you asked me to wait since you wouldn’t be at work to long. I was an hour late to my parents house. His mom was getting her winter jacket on to get the kids I told her don’t bother their in the car bawling thier eyes out because Santa left my parents house with the presents for the kids amd there is no Christmas because I was an hour late getting there. All because you wanted your son at your home for a family Christmas that’s he’s missed gor the past 9 yrs. But yet we are at Grandma’s across the lake and the whole family is there. Our relationship imploded in the biggest way possible .

    3. @Michele Smith Hoyle  OMG that’s soooo mean of your MIL. There’s a special place in hell for selfish b’s like her. But why did your parents react like that though? That was also mean, so what that you were an hour late? You had 3 kids and anything could have happened to delay you. 🙄 And your husband really really dropped the ball 😳 like ruining yours and especially the kids Xmas so his mom can have dinner with him? WOW! I feel awful for you having to drive on minus 20 with 3 crying kids in the car! Glad you made it back safe.

  5. What works for my wife and I is to keep our issues between ourselves. Both of us are capable of understanding and communicating, so there’s no need to bring another party. You’re risking it by bringing in someone else. They may help the situation or make it worse, not because they are bad but because they may be biased about certain things. Simply find a time when it’s best for you two to sit and talk about things, listen to understand each other, not just to respond.

  6. That’s why we make marital vowes with our closest friends and family present. It’s their duty to help us as a married couple adhere to our vowes.

    1. Yeah in a perfect world that would be great if that happened but it never does your so-called friends who should be unbiased friends with both of you just take one side and it’s usually the the women’s

  7. I had an uncle-in-law who left his wife for a younger woman. She was devasted. But Mickey didn’t seem to care. He was making the rounds of family that lived near him, telling everyone why this young thing was right for him. No one would engage with him. No one tried to tell him what to do, either. But he knew. Everyone loved Norma.

    Lastly, he went to his father’s house and while his father was working on his car, they both were professional mechanics, his father had taught him, Mickey is giving his dad this line about how this girl is the new love of his life. His dad is silent the whole time. He was that kinda man.

    Finally, Grandpa has had enough. He puts down his tools, looks at Mickey and says, “Mickey, you already have a wife. She’s the mother of your children. You need to go back to Norma now.” That was it.

    Mickey moved back in with Norma the next day. They stayed together until the Mickey died about 20 years later. Family members commented that after that Mickey seemed to take a or better care of Norma. He started taking her places with him and going with her on daytrips around SoCal.

    I always marveled at that effect. One word from his father Mickey flipped. But also, Grandpa and Grandma normally stayed out of the kids’ business.

  8. that is why we should always have a great relationship with our family and friends. they are the ones we chose in our lives to help us in the good and the bad

    1. @sweettreats overload I’m a man lol I don’t need my friends to tell me how to act or what to think of my woman. Good for you though it seems you’ve found some unicorn friends.

  9. So many women do not get this. I’m constantly telling people not to take advice from divorced people. Also, DONT COMPLAIN ABOUT YOUR SPOUSE! Don’t paint your spouse in a negative light for others. If you have genuine struggles and need mentorship, absolutely, do that but you get mentorship from other couples that have been together a long time and get along.

    1. S Mania
      Oh girl same! My two best friends frequently would gripe about their hubs to me and finally one day they realized I never did about mine.
      I told them honestly:
      1. I really don’t have anything to complain about. He’s wonderful! (Other than the snoring tho that’s actually improved recently, but like you, I just wear earplugs lol)
      2. I wouldn’t want to paint a bad image of him to others.

    2. I’m a MARRIED WOMAN and I AGREE 1000%🎉🎉🎉

      I always get my sisters to see their men’s perspective while understanding the situation and my sisters’ hurt feelings. They also do the same for me.. even our mother will advice to have patience and calm.

      Be the HOME to our husband ❤

  10. This is so true. When I talk to my single friends, I get complete opposite answers, and than when I talk to my married friends. My go to is my mom now that I’m older and she always talks some sense into me about keeping my family together ❤. My mom is my angel of strength and love and her advice is gold! Mom always knows best.

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